Parenting your teenager: the trust issue - parenting
Q. How do we conclude what our teens must be able to do? How do they earn trust and responsibility?
A. Good questions. One way is to agree on how much trust the teen-ager has earned.
To use a banking metaphor, if the teen-ager has made adequate deposits in the ``trust bank,'' then he or she has earned the privilege of assembly a few withdrawals - that is, the teen has earned more dependability and freedom.
Another way is what I call the ``enough rope to grow yourself'' approach. Teen-agers need room to grow, so that they and their parents can learn what they can handle.
Parents can adhere to this advance up by using what I call the six criteria for running adolescents:
1) The parents are noticeably in charge.
2) Teens, over time, learn and earn the capability to be more and more in allegation of themselves.
3) There is a clear plan for persistently shop trust and responsibility.
4) The parents have a way to check the develop of teens.
5) There are clear cost when a teen demonstrates that he or she cannot be in allege of him or herself (just like in the real world).
6) There is a plan for how to earn back trust and responsibility.
Using this method, parents don't let the teen move from barely or no dependability to accomplished choice and responsibility.
Let's say, for example, the teen wants to go to the movies just with friends, with no adults, for the first time.
This can be structured so the teen plants home right beforehand the movie and come home right after, at least the first time.
If teens determine they can carry that much trust and responsibility, then they get to go again, i don't know for a a small amount longer next time.
But if they display they cannot code name this much freedom, then the parents pull back a bit. A teen would then have to earn back some trust by building a few more deposits in the trust bank.
By using these criteria for administration teen-agers, parents are able to make decisions based on trust and objectivity.
And that method's a whole lot develop than going along with ``everyone else gets to do it. Why can't I?''
Visit ParentingYourTeenager. com for tips and tools for booming for the duration of the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Clothes to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and practiced Jeff Herring .
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