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Parenting your teenager: but all else gets to do it! - parenting


Q. We are receiving to the stage with our kids where they are appropriate teen-agers and are asking for more and more privileges. When we have faith in we need to say ``no,'' our daughter says, ``But all else gets to do it. Why can't I?'' We get stuck. We don't want to be too austere or too lenient. How do we carry this stage?

A. That's a actually good question, for the reason that many parents get baffled by the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it-why-can't-I maneuver.

My own parents' counter to my ``David gets to do it. Why can't I?'' was this: ``If David stood on his head in the center of the avenue in his underwear at 3 in the morning, would you?'' I almost certainly would have. And I never did amount out what that fulfil had to do with deficient to go to the movies.

Anyway, what my parents had stumbled onto with this adage of theirs was that they were cleanly not going to get hooked by the bait I was benevolent them.

Trying to argue alongside the everyone-else-gets-to-do-it contrive is a no-win situation.

This is since many teen-agers are 15 going on 25 and 15 going on 5, all at the same time. Parents are faced with an I-want-what-I-want-when-I-want-it 5-year-old with the brains of a young adult who can put as one a equally compelling argument.

Master Manipulators

This blend is part of what makes teen-agers what I call ``master manipulators. ''

What happens is this:

Parents get hooked into the exploitation by believing that ``why can't I?'' is a legitimate difficulty creditable of a legitimate answer.

But the realism is this:

There is no counter you could give that would make your teen-ager say, ``Hey, that's a exceedingly good reason! Credit for allocation it with me. Now I no longer want to do what I was asking about. ''

It just doesn't happen.

Another way to carry out the everyone-else-gets-to line is to check it out.

Call up the parents of your teen-ager's associates and see if they actually do get to do all these things. Likelihood are the real story will be atypical from the one you are earshot at home.

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