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Parenting your teenager: ask questions - parenting


Many parents seem to be more than a diminutive baffled about what they have a right to know about their teens.

The ask I often get goes amazing like this:

"We want to know where our 16-year-old son is going to be, and who he is with. He makes it sound as if we are the most out-of-it parents, and that it is indecently uncomfortable to him that we want to know what he and his links are doing. Are we being fair?"

You have the right, need and obligation to know all these things, and more. I have faith in that every close relative of a teen has the right to know and the crucial need to know more than a few pieces of in rank that I call the W's.

These crucial W's are:

1) Who they are expenses time with. One of the most able army in the life of a teen is influence: of parents, media, background and chiefly friends.

With friends, it's not the ask of can your offspring be influenced, but how they will be influenced. We have come to use the cliche of peer pressure, but this is especially about influence.

One of the clearest alarm signs of troubles is when a teen has two sets of associates _ one that the parents know, and one the parents have never seen and your kid does not want you to see.

Your teen does not want you to see them for a reason, and it's not a good one. A good rule of thumb is that your teen is not acceptable to go anyplace with a big shot you have not at least met. An added down-to-earth but little-used plan is to know the parents of your teen's friends. Also, if you can make your home the hub of his or her crowd of friends, where lots of doings takes place or at least begins, you have a good thing going.

2) What they are going to be doing. "But Mom, (stretched into a two or three syllable word) we don't know what we are going to be doing!" Doable answers _ "Well, you'll need to know the answer, and then I'll need to know the come back with already you can go" or "That's fine for now, when you conclude you must let me know. "

Another one you will hear is "But each else gets to do it!" This is one the Top 10 clothes never to believe. It's just not true. All and sundry else does not get to do it. And even if they did, you as a father still have the right to say no.

3) Where they are going. The what and the where go together, and the same rules apply. Watch out for the scam where Billy tells his parents that he is going to Bobby's house, and Bobby tells his parents he is going to Billy's house. This one can be by a long shot handled and tartan on when you know the parents of your teen's friends.

4) When will they be back. This brings up the agreeable issue of curfew. The dilemma: Parents want kids home at a a selection of time, kids want to stay out later.

I've never encountered the job where a kid hunted his clampdown to be earlier. Solution: The parents pick a blackout time. Advertisement I said the parents and not the parents and kids. This one begins with the parents, and then it's up to the kids to earn more.

While we are at it, let's circumscribe late. Late is late, and 10 p. m. is 10 p. m. , if there is a little major that is unavoidable. If you consistently make 10:10 conventional and not late, you send the implication that the rules don't especially count, and you cultivate more and more lateness, not to allusion generous up your power as a parent.

If the blackout is kept for three months, an extra 15 follow-up is added. If they are late at some point in the three months, the three-month earning cycle starts over from that point.

This model represents the real world where privileges are not just given but earned based on performance.

I've seen more than one ancestors make this a very downy course by requiring that a small form be overflowing out, answering all the W's ahead of a apply for to go out is even considered.

Now, a word of warning:

Your teens will not like this. That's OK since that is not the point. The point is to teach blame and other belongings about the real world, and make this labor-intensive job of parenting a teen just a barely less stressful.

While requiring your teens to obey the W's may not be easy, it sure can help you to avoid some other disgusting W's, such as: Coming up up until the Wee hours of the morning, Wondering and Worrying.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager. com for tips and tools for flourishing at some stage in the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Clothes to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and knowledgeable Jeff Herring.


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