Am i exceedingly a stroller-monger? - parenting
I was analysis "A Current Infant Armada", a humor editorial in Maclean's Magazine in print by a fellow humor columnist. Inscription about it now is a bit like a watercolorist painting a new visual artist or a soloist singing about a different lead singer (but it not like a cook cooking a different cook. ).
David Russell (yes, an added humor correspondent named David)laughs at his fellow citizen for parking both cars in the driveway to make room in the garage for four strollers for just one child. I laughed with him. Four strollers for just one baby is ridiculous, right?
However, David Russell becomes a blood relation himself, a acclimatize that afflicts many unsuspecting homo sapiens, and he concludes that a call to his fellow citizen is warranted: "I need to see if he can help me get a fleet rate. "
"Traitor!" I cried out. "Stroller monger!"
"Who's a traitor?" my wife asked as she walked in the room. "And just what is a buggy monger. "
I resisted the apparent key - that a buggy monger is a name who mongs strollers. "David Russell. He says that one baby carriage is adequate for any child, but then he decides to buy an total fleet. "
"Say, we could have saved a bundle if we had functional for a fleet rate," my wife mused.
"What? We don't have four strollers. "
My wife smiled. It was a sweet smile you could just fall in love with. . . if you did not know that it meant, "Oh yes we do!"
"We do not. "
"My wife took out her including fingers. "First there is the car seat," she said, imperative down the first finger. "We snap it into the buggy base every time we go anywhere. "
"OK, that's one. "
"Then there is the SUV," she said, critical down on a back up finger. The "SUV" is a full sized stroller. We bought it when we were still squeezing it on a business district apartment. With no storage space space, it stood in the admission area, blocking our path to the kitchen and any hope of escaping if the place trapped fire. The SUV is the Hummer of strollers.
"OK, that is a stroller, I will grant you. But that's just two. "
"We also have the fold-up stroller," my wife said, critical down a third finger.
"But she's not even using it yet. "
"She will soon and we have it now," my wife barbed out. "Then there is the old fold-up buggy we kept as a backup. That makes four. "
"You can't count duplicates. That's amplify counting. "
"It takes alter ego the space," my wife insisted. "We have four strollers.
I stared in silence. Leisurely it sunk in. Yes, there were two Davids who were humor columnists, but there were also two Davids who were stroller-mongers.
Uh-oh. My wife was smiling again. She was watched for just the right minute to strike. "Our baby has more seats in this house than any person else has. "
"That's ridiculous. " No earlier had the words left my mouth than I remembered the return rule. Words like ridiculous, ludicrous, silly, brainless and big mouth by and large apply only to the character who speaks them.
My wife rhymed off our seats, "Three on the couch, two chairs in the existing room, six in the kitchen, one in the bathroom and one at each of our desks. Plus the three red chairs Hardly Lady has in the existing room. That makes 17. "
"Ha!" I knew it couldn't be true.
Then came that deadly sweet smile again, the smile that said, "Take my hand while I lead you about the house to see why you be supposed to think first and shout 'Aha!' later. "
In the kitchen stood the high chair and the sit-in play saucer. In her bureau sat the rocking chair that never rocked and the energetic chair that never bounced. There was the swing seat, and there were two lessen seats for session upright on the floor. She opened the door to the enclosed porch, and there were the four strollers and the car seat she would soon be using.
"That makes 12," my wife tallied. "We each have fewer than six. "
I brain wave exceedingly hard. "Aha!" I said again, pompously pointing out that this time I had accepted wisdom first and shouted 'Aha!' later. . "We have three chairs on the balcony, and six on the patio. There are also six folding chairs for the fire pit. "
Desperate times call for acute measures, and there was no aim to disregard all the al fresco furniture at a time like this. Unfortunately, there was no analyze to not remember arithmetic, either. Our baby still had the most seats in the house - and beyond the house, too.
"Uh, do toilet seats count?"
My wife smiled her sweet smile again, a smile that could only mean, "So, buggy monger, what do you have to say for manually now?"
I knew that a further humor journalist named David had just been labeled a traitor. Meekly, I mumbled. "Lawn tractor seat?"
About The Author
How many strollers does one child need? This controlled study has indomitable that stroller-mongers need four.
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